Disney Douche

Congratulations, Disney. You've reintroduced to the kids a spawn of doucheness called the Jonas Brothers. They will convert masses of innocent adolescents who will be charmed into growing curly douche-fros and forming crappy bedroom bands with song titles like "One Douche at a Time" and "I Wanna Douche Like You" and the surefire chart topper "D.O.U.C.H.E."

They even have the Oprah douche-seal of a approval.


Now, the attempt to douche-ify the helpless young did not originate with the Douche Brothers. In my unsuspecting teen years, I was targeted with these pre-douchers! "MmmDouche" came and went but the scars are still there and they're beginning to weep with this current revival of the Douche Youth.

Tribal Band TatDouche

Sorry guys, but you're a complete douche bag if you've got anything tattooed anywhere that resembles this:


But wait. It gets better.

What could be douchier than that you ask? Uh...buying and wearing this:

Even on Halloween.

BlueDouche

Sorry, it's been awhile. I'm crazy busy but I've been wanting to post this one for a long time now.

If you walk around in public with a bluetooth headset in your ear and you're NOT on the phone, but rather just hoping and praying that a call comes in, you're a first-rate douche bag.

If You're Michael Bay

This is the Hollywood douche bag who brought us some of the crappiest, mind-numbingly stupid "blockbusters" of our generation. Doesn't he just have douche written all over him?

Douche Notice

A good friend recently forwarded me a very useful form. You can go to http://youparklikeanasshole.com and download a notice that you can leave on DBs' cars. You check the boxes that apply such as: ummm...a little too close OR that's a compact?

I've already printed out a bunch of forms so that I have some handy in the car.

Douche Rocket

Bad


Worse
If you've fixed up your mom's minivan there's pretty much no hope for you to ever be a decent human being.

Douche Combo

A douche bag who thinks she can sing/act/dance is already considered the worst type of offender in my book. When she hooks up with the biggest male douche bag of all time the results are beyond revolting.